He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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