I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
