D3 body, D1 cock
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
