when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
