I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
