You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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