wanna go halves on a baby?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I want to fling myself into the sun
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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