He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
