UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
