she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
