i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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