I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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