You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
