they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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