And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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