ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Boobs speak an international language.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
