I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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