I'm sorry my penis didn't work
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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