I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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