He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
