nut hugger
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
