I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
