I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
