dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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