fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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