do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
