Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
