new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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