in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My balls are so social today.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
