Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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