Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
