I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
