after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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