Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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