You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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