Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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