In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
