Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are a genius and a whore.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
