I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
