She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
