i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
