it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
