three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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