Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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