You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
