Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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