It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
