please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
