Sober January is a disaster.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
