Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
