Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
