the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
