one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
