I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
